as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
