Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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