why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
