she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
