Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
