I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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