I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
