watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
