We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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