**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
