At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Boobs speak an international language.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
