I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
