I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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