Pappa wants mamma naked
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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