so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
