he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
