but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
