im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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