I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
