I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
