I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
