we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
