Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
