drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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