I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
