I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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