So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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