Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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