Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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