Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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