considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
