I wish life had little blips of pornography
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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