I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
