this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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