how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's never too late to be topless.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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