i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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