Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
