Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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