My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
