I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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