why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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