my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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