there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
