How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
