I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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