there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
