I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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