You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
