trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
