Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
